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[Private] Twists of Turmoil (1 Viewer)


Not!Syrien Shaman
Patron 7

Ever since her encounter with the mysterious door that trapped her at home in Hundabaeli, Reina found herself paying visits to Annwynn again a bit more regularly. She used to be there almost all the time that she could, while recovering from the initial break off with Chiara when she started courting Erik. It was a safe haven and she felt such strong gratitude toward it, as it made her feel safe in her time of weakness. The snow elven people were kind to her and she could never repay that debt she owed to them for it. This was her safe spot, in the one place nobody else on the outside would think to look for her. It was a secret she held close to her heart and guarded, despite her loyalties elsewhere. To reveal such would mean to give away something she valued more than she could ever express into words, and she would never do it, even if it killed her. In her times of weakness, which surely came after having died in Xia and been revived again, she found herself in the snow elven capital once more seeking out the safety she'd once needed. Reina found herself gravitating to the temple of Shaohl, by the marketplace of Annwynn, and knelt at the altar itself as she prayed. The Mother of the Sea took many forms, she'd learned from hearing various religions and cultures, and Shaohl was the snow elves' Bahari, Arvora, and who knew what else. She wasn't the praying type, and she didn't expect anything to really change through it. Her gods didn't meddle with the mortals, and she was okay with that. These visits were for herself and nothing else, to help bring her some peace of mind while she thought on her problems that she would handle alone. It just made her feel better to think out loud with at least the illusion of perhaps someone listening, even if they were not. A silent god was better in her opinion, so she could fix her problems by her own hands instead of growing dependent on others. Her words, as she thought out loud, were that of one of her main languages, Avaltan, as she kept her voice low to nearly a whisper.

"I-. . I died recently at Xia. I don't know how to feel about it, as I've found my end once like my Father has. This nightmare haunts me at night and sometimes, I feel strong pains in the base of my neck while I'm winded, out of breath. Out of instinct, I find myself looking for her when I wake up in a cold sweat from these recurring nightmares, only to find that the one person I wish to seek comfort from isn't there. She isn't there when I need to hold her hand, to remind myself I'm alive right now. So I find myself getting up from my sleepless nights, pouring a drink to numb the pain and try to go back to sleep."

The syrien Huskarl spoke aloud to herself as she remained before Shaohl's altar, panic spreading across her features as she felt her own thoughts and anxieties eating away at her mind. She knew what happened to her, but was incapable of recalling any of it. Part of her was thankful for it, but part of her worried about it. That Death could just claim her soul once more and she'd be helpless to stop it. Despite the mess of a life she lead, she chose life every time because there was something she needed to do. She wasn't done here and still had something she sought out to do. But the only way she managed the trauma that came with her return from the dead was to turn to alcohol. It was what got her through the day, a little bit of alcohol to simply numb her nerves so she could function like normal again, so she could feel normal again. It shouldn't bother her this much, she tried to tell herself on a daily basis. It was an honor to die for the cause of her people, she'd say, but part of her just didn't want to accept that. There was much to do and much going on around her, but Reina felt like she was standing still more just to keep herself rooted in the ground that she fought to defend like her mother and father had long ago. Perhaps a day would arise that she would learn how to better handle her demons that currently plagued her life on a personal scale. But until then, she'd return to this altar and talk through her problems till she fixed them all, for that was the only way forward for her that she saw in this moment.
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